Today we celebrate our 2 month anniversary Don’t worry, we are actually not those people who celebrate every day, week, month of our marriage as a huge milestone. I just happened to noticed that today was the 5th and that would make today our second month of marriage.
I believe I left off at the end of November 2012.
Early December was hectic as it always is, have to make sure all the gifts are taken care of, and in my case, had actually arrived to my parent’s house in MI. I also had scheduled a fitting at the bridal salon in MI to have my bridesmaids try on dresses. I also had not seen my fiancé since he returned to New Jersey before Thanksgiving. Add on to that all the ‘normal’ stresses of a high stress job around the holidays, and my mounting depression, I was not in a good place.
I flew home again, this time for Christmas, on December 22nd. I was delayed at Logan Airport for SIX HOURS. There was talk that I would not be able to get a flight into Michigan at all that day. After telling the girls at the check in desk that I needed to be in Michigan for my bridal dress fitting the next morning, okay, I’ll admit it, I cried, they doubled their efforts and found me the flights I needed to get me in that evening. While stuck in the airport, I had my ritual Dunkin’ Donuts and chatted on the phone with my MOH, who was stuck in Chicago because their car rental had been given to someone else, all the people who were stuck in a lay over at O’Hare were renting cars to drive the last leg of their journeys. She had been frantically calling friends and family to rescue her, her husband, and their dog and drive them to Michigan. By the time I finally did get into Michigan, we had missed our appointment with the photographer. My fiancé picked me up at the airport solo, with my dad’s car. This was the first time I had seen him in almost a full month. We did some last minute Christmas shopping and grabbed dinner before heading back to my parents’ house.
The next morning, I had my appointment at the bridal salon to pick the bridesmaid’s dresses. As I had two girls standing up who had never met before and that had two totally different body types and colorings, I want to be sure to pick something that looked good on both of them, if possible. MOH called me to inform me that she was heading out to the salon, they had made it in during the wee morning hours after being rescued by her aunt, and we will see her soon. Bridesmaid also called me to inform me that she is on her way. She then calls back to inform me that one of her tire has blown out. Everyone is fine but she will, understandably, not be able to make the appointment. I rescheduled with her for the upcoming Friday at the salon. My MOH, my mother, and I had a ball trying on dresses and taking pictures and the like. Afterwards, my mother and I had to rush up north to the first of many family Christmas parties.
To give you an idea of my current state of mind, we were rushing from appointment to appointment, I was not eating regularly enough to properly care for my hypoglycemia, I had not seen my fiancé, my rock, for almost a month, I was stressed and just wanted to be alone with him and cuddle. But that was not to happen.
During Family Christmas #1, I was asked to make up the numbers for the Yankee Swap. I was practically shaking from stress and lack of food, (in addition to being hypoglycemic, I am occasionally an accidental anorexic. Don’t judge me, you know there have been times that you have been so busy that you have forgotten to eat!) Anyway, I had to be asked a few times to do it before I was kicked into my aunt’s kitchen where I could not find anything and almost started crying. Thankfully, a cousin’s wife came in to help me, seeing that I was super stressed. I have always loved her
Unfortunately, the holiday visits seemed to continue with my blood sugar and stress levels using my body as a battle ground. My poor fiancé and parents, I was a wreck! I had an episode in the car on the way to Family Christmas #3. Someone realized that I had not eaten for more than four hours and I was handed a tub of almonds. I then passed out due to exhaustion. Just how I like to spend my holidays, an emotional mess.
I had more meetings that week than I care to remember. Every other day we seemed to be meeting with this vendor or that person and that tasting and all that jazz. I remember meeting with a florist, my fiancé got dragged along to the appointment because we were dropping him off at the airport afterwards. While there, he designed the boutonnieres. We also went to the wedding site, a lovely hotel, in hopes of meeting with the facilities contact and to show fiancé the site that we’d locked into. Our facilities contact was not there, this is the same woman who had stood us up when I was out in November. Lemme tell ya … not a good way to make someone bringing in a large amount of money into your facility feel at ease with your hotel! After fiancé was safely deposited at the airport on his way home again, I spent time with my family. We played cards and drank, good times
The next day, I met with my bridesmaid at the bridal salon for her dress fitting. My MOH and I had narrowed the choices down to five dresses. Bridesmaid was there, and had brought her 8 month old son with her. I had not been told that he would be there, so this was a surprise to me and my mother. In retrospect, I understand why she had to bring him, but at the same time her mother lived just up the road and she could have left him there. ANYWHO, the poor little guy was screaming his bloody lungs out. I preface the next part of my story with this: his mother has attachment issues and is untrusting of others when it comes to her child. The downside is that the little guy goes EVERYWHERE with her. Even places and events where his presence is not always appropriate.
My mother, bless her soul, took the little guy and walked around with him so I could get his mama into the dresses quickly and get pictures of her in them for later evaluation. Note: This. Was. Not. Fun. For. Anyone. In the end, she ended up getting him back and I was still trying to get her to try on the last couple dresses. She had him on her hip and I was trying to get a picture of her in the dress sans kid. She turns to face me and says “But this is how I am going to look at your reception.” Without skipping a beat I said, “No it’s not. We are not having kids at our wedding.” Well, I’ll be damned, you could have heard a pin drop in that whole salon. My mother sat there and took pictures. She told me later that she thought bridesmaid was going to walk out of that salon and never speak to me again. Some days, I wish she had.
To give you a little more background on the situation: That screaming little guy was my godson (assuming his mother hasn’t revoked that right yet, at the time I write this I do not know where we stand on this matter) and bridesmaid was my best friend from the college/post college era. I was her MOH in her 2010 wedding. In the spring of 2007, she was hospitalized with a collapsed lung, that lead to something far more serious. For weeks, the doctors did not know what was wrong with her. I was distraught and visited her in the hospital many times during the six weeks she was there, we even colored Easter eggs in her room. That was the first time I met the guy who would become her husband. Their engagement was over 2 years long. During that time I traveled to the UK, took my GREs, applied and was accepted to grad school, dumped 2 boyfriends, moved to Boston, dumped another boyfriend, was in a relationship with yet another who attended her wedding with me, completed my first year of grad school, and planned all her events from 1,000 miles away. I also was forbidden to talk to her mother and her mother-in-law, the shower was taken away from me but still held in my mother’s house, she got drunk at the bachelorette party and pissed off her soon to be sister-in-law, whom almost backed out of the wedding all together just days before the event. We didn’t really talk much after her wedding. My mother kept asking me if we would still be friends after, I told her I didn’t know.
So to bring it back to the bridal salon, Bridesmaid proceeded to bully me into giving her a pass on our rule of no kids at the wedding and allow her to bring her son, who would be 17 months old (read as mobile and vocal) to a formal sit down wedding ceremony and adult reception. Like I said before, she bullied me into letting him come. She, her husband, and her parents were invited and coming so it shouldn’t be too much of an issue right? He is my godson, my fiancé’s godson was going to be there, it’s only fair yes? Well, I caved and agreed to let her bring her under 2 year old to my wedding. My mother and I talked later about if I had made the right decision, no verdict was ever reached. I still hate myself being manipulated like that.
ASIDE: I am sure you are asking yourself “Why on God’s green earth did you agree to be this kid’s godmother?” And I will tell you straight, I tried to turn it down. Twice. Yes, it is a huge honor to be asked to be responsible for another human being’s religious and general upbringing. I also would like to point out the issues that I had with this from the get-go. 1.) I live 1,000 miles away and will not be a part of this child’s life, I won’t be able to go to his baseball games, church plays, or birthday parties etc. So, I am already starting out the absentee godparent. That guilt did not, nor does it still, sit well with me. Granted, I did not have official godparents growing up, I did have one of my mother’s friends that I always thought of as an aunt and godmother, so I look to my relationship with her for my inspiration. 2.) I am not the same religion that little godson will be raised in. My husband and I aren’t even the same religion, and neither of us is the same religion as little godson. So I had concerns there. Godson’s mom told me that really all she wanted me to do, in relation to her son, was to be there as a person that he could call when he was in his awkward years and wanted to talk to someone who was not mom or dad. Okay, I can handle that, but why in the world would the kid call me if he and I don’t have a real relationship in the first place? 3.) Part of me can’t help but feel that this was some way for Bridesmaid trying to trap me into her life, under her rules. Dine with me, said the spider to the fly.
See my Removing a Godparent post for more on my godparent battle.
I flew home to spend New Year’s Eve with my fiancé in Boston. Fiancé picked me up from the airport when I got in. He had driven up after work to spend New Year’s Eve with me. We ended up staying in because he came down with a fever. I woke him to watch the ball drop, then we went back to bed. Not terribly exciting sadly.
New Year’s Day found me alone with 2 flat tires and a dead car battery. I made the traditional Peach Family New Year’s Day omelet, and laid around with fiancé as long as his schedule would allow. He packed up to go south and I walked him to his car. I checked mine, as the tires seemed to have a slow leak in them before I left. They were almost flat. So with plans to fill them before I had to drive to work, I tried to start my car. No go. Would not turn over, and would not give me my key back. I was almost hysterical. I called my roadside assistance on New Year’s Day to have my car jumped because fiancé and I were not having any success jumping it ourselves. He asked me if I was okay to handle this on my own because he needed to get on the road. I kinda shrugged yes and then fiancé left to fill his car and head home. For the record, I was not okay. Every time he left to head back to New Jersey a little part of my heart died. And for those of you practical people who were worried about my car, I was able to get a guy out to look at my car New Year’s day, he jumped it and scheduled a day to come replace my car battery. I also was able to get the leaks fixed in my tires.
The first Sunday of January, my fiancé had the honor of officially being announced as his nephew’s godfather and partook in his Brit Milah ceremony. This is an honor, and my fiancé had a great time with his brothers during the reception. I have always felt on the outskirts of his family, and this occasion was no different. His oldest brother and I got off on the wrong foot years earlier and we have never gotten along sense. Our relationship now is that we ignore each other’s existences and do not socialize at any family event. After all, he does not see fit to talk to me directly because it is my husband’s place to handle all family discussions not mine. Some day I will write a post about feelings on this, so stay tuned.
A week into the New Year I got a phone call from Bridesmaid. She started the call cryptically, saying that before she felt she could tell me the news she had to come up with options for me. (Insert weird face here) She then informed me that she was not suffering from post-partum like her doctor and therapist thought, she was actually pregnant. Again. NOTE: her first son has just celebrated 9 months at this time. I asked her when she was due, and was informed that they were not sure because they didn’t know when she got pregnant or how far along she was. (I may have smacked my own forehead at that comment). The thought was that she would be due just before the wedding. She then said that the two options that she and her husband had come up with were:
- Her mother gets a hotel room at the hotel where the wedding was being hosted and keep the kids up there so Bridesmaid could run up when she needed to
- She steps down as a bridesmaid
Pondering the options provided to me, and not liking the 1st option as it lead to more unknown drama (infant child that needs Bridesmaid’s undivided attention vs. Bride Peach who wants her party and court’s attention … who do you think would [and rightfully should] win?) So, to save us all from potential future drama, I told her that I would be more comfortable if she stepped down. She became Ex-Bridesmaid.
She still wanted to be involved and would make the reserved seating signs that I had asked her to do. I was okay with that, but made a mental note to not bother her with more tasks as she was going to be very busy soon enough.
Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel, for another riveting edition of Peach’s Engagement Tales